Rebel Millionaire

Hi. Hmm. Hello. Okay. Sometimes I get really shy. What do you mean you accidentally clicked on it? It was divined. It's not possible that you clicked on it accidentally. Why, why, is my wifi choosing right now to freeze? What's happening? Reset. Oh my God. Hello, Tamara. Georgine, this jacket is so old. This is like my old faithful. But thank you. I love it. Hi, Tamara. This is like the other side of my studio, you guys. I'm here in my studio. My throne is right there. I nearly just picked up the laptop, and I was like, "Look, there it is." Okay, wait. Hold your horses. Or your wine. Or whatever else do you have. What do you have?

Leah, I must admit that when you commented on my post about the ribs, and you said that's awesome, I was like I don't get it. Where's the pun? What's the catch? I don't get it. And I was like, "I think she's being serious." I don't know if I've ever seen it before. Not on a normal Facebook post. I had to read it three times. And then I was just honestly so thrown that I couldn't reply. Mermaid cushions. Are they? These are some pretty cool cushions. I'm gonna share this over ...

Looks good, doesn't it? This is my backup set. You were fucking hungry. I was devastated. Devastated. I was in shock. I thought ... 100% I was like, he's joking. So, for those who missed it, I went to my favourite steak and ribs place for dinner tonight, where I go like, maybe four times a week. I really like ribs. And I know the restaurant manager there, Matt, extremely well. Of course. Because I go there so often.

And he was like, "Oh, have you seen our new menu?" And I'm like, "No, whatever. I don't need the menu. I have the same ribs every time I go there." He's like, "No, we don't have ribs on the menu anymore." And I'm like, "Oh, ha-ha." He's like, "No, no. We really took them off." I'm like, "No you didn't. You're just joking." And he's like, "No, no. We took them off. It's minimum four." And then sometimes I might order them up as well. They don't even deliver up, except for me. Obviously. Anyway. I manifested the fucking ribs. Obviously. Obviously. Where am I? I'm in my house.

Here I am in my house. Welcome to the show. Okay. I'm in my gangster outfit. Which just means like shiny black all over. With a wild top on. It says wild. Except I have my fluffy pink slippers on, because it matches the painting. By the way, how talented is my sister-in-law, Rachel? She's an artist, and I commissioned this piece behind me. She made it for me. I don't think I've ever shown it before, because I kind of got the painting delivered, and then I just took off, travelling. As I do. There's another one just over there in the corner. It's leaning up against the wall. You can't see it properly.

No, well then what happened with the ribs ... I'll show you the rest of the room in a moment, because you're in a different side of the studio. Yeah, but I've got a top on under it. What's the problem? So, what happened with the ribs was, he's like there's no ribs and no steak. They're pink slippers, Jason. Pink slippers. Matches my pink hair tie. Yeah. I thought he was joking. It's like, it's a steak and ribs place. That's what it is. You can't even make this shit up. When the hell does a steak and ribs place take steak and ribs off the menu? The ribs and the steak, they took off the menu.

So, obviously I'm laughing at it, because I go there all the time. And it's a steak and ribs place. He's like, "No, no. We're trying burgers and pizzas." I'm like, "Yeah, good one." He's like, "No, really." So, then I start looking around at people's tables. I'm like ... because I knew for sure he was just trying to mess with me. Because we always have a good chat. We're good friends. So, I'm like, "He's just messing with me." I'm looking at people's tables to find the ribs, and I'm like, "I don't see any ribs." He's like, "No, no. I'm serious." I was in horror. I was just in a state of being frozen in horror. What's the word for that? There must be a word for it.

I was in a shock state. Tremors were coming upon me, largely because I thought I was gonna cry, because I wanted ribs. And anyhow, long story short, I already wrote it on my personal Facebook. Ribs were delivered to me. He went and got them for me. Form another restaurant, and brought them there. All right, and here we are. So, that's roughly the whole story. I'm really not remotely in the mood to talk about anything much at all, so I feel like it's gonna be one of those live streams which is gonna be just very interesting. Having a day of being fucked with by the shenanigans crew.

Leah, I said to Alyssa afterwards, it must be topsy turvy day. And then she was like, "What's topsy turvy day?" And I'm just thinking, "Who raised you, girl?" What kind of child doesn't know what topsy turvy day is? And then I'm like, "Well, maybe I never told her." Because all this random shit just kept happening. Everything weird kept happening. So, then we make it through dinner somehow. I got my food, but the children's burgers that they always normally order had been changed into sesame seed coated burgers. Like kids burgers with sesame seeds on top. Has anybody ever heard of such a ridiculous idea?

So, of course both of my little precious offspring, who are reared in a manner in which they have come to expect that whatever they desire will be delivered to them, forthwith, and it is. They were not impressed, shall we say. At the sesame seed topped burgers. In fact, it's fair to say they were appalled. If my father was there, he would've said, "Bernard." And I would've said ... Nevermind. It would've descended. Only very few people have got that joke. Maybe Leah. But anyway. We would've both agreed that we're appalled. He would've said, "How do you feel about it?" And I would've said, "I'm appalled." And I would've said, "Well, how do you feel?" And he would've said, "Well, I'm appalled." And we both would've said, "I'm appalled." Anyhow. If you can name the show, I'll be very impressed that I'm not the only one who watches weird stuff.

So, that happened, and the sesame seed burgers were not a hit. Nobody ate them. By the time we got to the end of the dinner, and we discovered that they don't ... Okay. The one with the minister. The minister. The one with the minister, the British show with the minister. Now I don't remember the name of it. There's definitely a minister involved and then his off, right hand guy is called Bernard. And there's just this ... Surely if you watched Faulty Towers, you watched the one ... Minister. Sometimes with a minister. I don't know. Somebody knows. Tell me the show.

There were books as well. Get your wine. It's all gonna go haywire momentarily. It's just very funny when my dad says it. And then both of us go back and forth. Yes, Minister. Exactly. Yes, Minister. Right. So, then dad and I ... It's nothing to do with [Bernicky 00:08:23]. Dad and I would just go back and forth, back and forth, agreeing that we're both appalled, and we just think we're hilarious. That's really the whole story. That's all you need to know. But by the time we got to the end of the dinner, even my eight year old daughter, she says ... Oh, that's right. Because they had no chocolate ice cream. They've changed the children's ice cream menu, to no chocolate. They've got strawberry, but it's like some sort of woo-woo strawberry, and, wait for it ... Hazelnut. On a children's dessert menu. These are your two options. Weird woo-woo strawberry, which can't even possibly be explained, even if you asked me to, and hazelnut.

So, Alyssa says, "The only thing I can possibly consume at this restaurant from here on out is the water." She's eight years old. I was like, I'm dying, I'm laughing. And then we went to the grocery store and more weird shit happened, and basically I said it was topsy turvy day, and she didn't know what it meant. And then it was just ... I couldn't even, even, with the whole world. I had to go home and put the children to bed, and now her I am. So, check it out, because I'm gonna talk about the burn, and the pain, and I don't even really feel like it, but it's just the title that came to me when I was in the toilet.

There's my throne, so now you know where you are in time and space. Do you see where you are? That's where I usually am over there. There's all your fancy lights, there's one big fancy light up there. There's another one, and there's a ring light there. I'm live streaming without a fancy light on me. Who would've thought? I just felt like sitting on the couch. I felt like everybody's seen enough of the throne. Driven by the burn. Okay. Where are we gonna go with this conversation? I was thinking about various forms of pain today. I was triggered today. It happens to me from time to time, and I always flip it straight into gratitude as soon as I get triggered by something, or I feel uncomfortable by something.

Well, firstly I might have a little hissy fit, or crack it, or get upset, or whatever the trigger is. It's not usually very, you know, emotive in a big way. Not a huge reaction. But there'll be some sort of little blip, right? You know, maybe you see something online, or you see something out in the real world, whatever that is. Or something occurs to you, or maybe you say something, that's kind of like, "Why did I say that? Now I sound like an idiot", or now I look like an idiot, or maybe they now think that I meant this, and actually I meant this, and maybe they're analysing it, and maybe they don't give a fuck about you because they're pretty obsessed with themselves.

But anyway, these are the thoughts that the mind does. And then you just feel that like, ugh. And I don't know about you, but sometimes when I get that feeling, I then can't remember why I have the feeling, right? So, then you know when you carry around this weird feeling of like, I know that I'm triggered and I know that I'm upset about something, but I'm now not sure what it is, so I'm walking around feeling kind of naked and exposed. But I don't know if I have valid reason for it or not, and I wish I could fucking remember why I'm upset or why I'm triggered. I just know that there's a reason that this feeling's here and I've gotta shift it.

That might be just me. But I'd be curious to know. But anyhow, today I had a little trigger. It was like a little ... That's what happens. Energetically. You're just going about your day, you're cruising along, you're writing a blog, or you're doing your thing, you're walking down the street listening to client audios, whatever it is that you're doing. And sometimes happens, and it's just this kind of, uh. And all of a sudden, you feel like you're not on path anymore. You were merrily swimming in a sea of abundance and alignment, or seeking to as the case may be, and now you suddenly feel like somebody just grabbed you by the shoulder and pulled you off, you've kind of got this tug going on, and it's like, ugh. It's annoying, right?

So, then if you lean into the trigger though, it might get more annoying, and it might get upsetting. It might cause you to feel inferior, not good enough, same thing really. Frustrated, annoyed, disheartened, sad, et cetera, or worried, or whatever it is. I used to try and avoid those things. Or I used to get super reactive, in the sense that ... Okay. I feel like I've forgotten how to swallow. Something's happening inside of me. I'm sure I'll be able to manage it. Fear not. I used to get super reactive when I would get triggered. Like I would get reactive in the sense that I would probably retaliate to the trigger, which was not always necessarily the most useful thing, particularly because typically, or often anyway, frequently, the person who's triggered you has no fucking clue, because it's just some random post that they put on Facebook.

So, then I would retaliate though, via response, text, of minimum 2000 words. I don't mean private text message, I mean post on Facebook, right? You know when you do a Facebook post, you're just hoping that one person will see it, or some people will see, right? I used to do that. I would do a rant, or kind of a defensive post, or kind of a let me make my point sort of post. That is actually a really good way to avoid letting a trigger work on you. And letting it serve the lesson that it came along to serve. And all of these things come along to serve as a lesson, right? So, if we don't gain the lesson from it, or if we don't get the growth work that we're meant to get from it, then what can happen is we just ... or what typically does happen is we just keep on getting the same lesson again, and again.

It just keeps getting served back to us. Okay, I feel like nobody's talking to me. I feel like I'm being insanely boring. I'm now getting triggered by the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm being really boring, and I don't know what's happening. I feel like I've never live streamed before, or I've forgotten how to live stream. Do you think it's because I'm on the couch and not on my throne? But I really like to sit up here. I think it looks fancy. Am I being boring right now? Tell me something you want me to talk about, because I feel like I've lost my way completely.

I'm getting really squirmy inside of myself, and I'm getting kind of like ... Yeah, super self conscious. I just feel like I wanna dance and sing, and have some people around for a drink. But that'll be, maybe tomorrow night. Meanwhile, literally nobody's even commenting. However, the numbers are somehow weirdly going up slightly. So, I feel like you've all banded together and you're just refusing to talk to me on purpose, but you've got some kind of conversation thread going on behind the scenes on fucking telegram, or telegraph, or telepole, or whatever that app is that everybody's using without me.

Okay, no. The comments are all over here. My communication chakra might be out of whack. Okay, there was no comments on the phone. All right, I'm clearly just a bundle of insecure nerves, because as soon as I don't get a comment for like 10 and a half seconds, on my phone, I'm like, "Everybody hates me." But they're all over here on the laptop. Okay. Thank you. It's only 12:12 here as well, Jamie. Except not really, it's 9:12. All right. You're captivated. Georgina says, "Everybody's captivated", and Addison says, "Everybody's enthralled." Carla says is my communication out of whack. I don't know, where is the communication chakra? I know where the heart one is, I know where the self expression one is. Where is the communication one?

I know where the sexual one is. I'm all over that shit. Burn. Okay. You guys are helping me out. Thank you. I just didn't know the comments were coming over here. What's with that Facebook? It's trying to screw with me. What was I talking about? I feel revived. I feel like I've had an injection of self love and confidence, and enthusiasm. Maybe the injection of love came from you guys and not from me. Maybe I'm getting validated right now, and I need to address my own self love shit again. Instead of allowing myself to be validated. Oh, even the wine at the restaurant had changed to terrible wine.

I normally get the grated pepper jack [Chiraz 00:16:32]. It's $25 for a glass, and it's amazing. And they pour a big glass, so $25 is pretty reasonable for an oversized glass of wine. But it's not cheap for a glass of wine. They didn't have a single glass of wine that was over eight dollars 50. I was honestly like ... where's the kind of better wine? I find it very scary, and I said this to the guy, who like I said I know. The one who went and got me my ribs from a different restaurant and brought them to me at the restaurant. I said, "I find these prices a little scary, Matt. They're a little scary cheap. What's happening? Where's the good wine gone?" He's going, "I know." The owner's just changed everything. They're trying to cater to a cheaper crowd.

So, I couldn't even drink any wine at the restaurant. I had half a glass. So, now I'm just having some ... Of course, I only drink fucking Solo wine's Prophetic Wine. So, I'm having Witches Falls. I mean, ti's the best title ever for a bottle of wine, isn't it? Witches Falls Prophecy. I drink the [inaudible 00:17:36] as well. Isn't it much more fun when I'm not talking about the topic? Okay, let's get back to the topic though. How did I put the banner on the live stream? [German 00:17:44], no idea at all. [German 00:17:46]. We switch to German when we feel like it.

[German 00:17:52]. Somebody did it for me. I don't know. But something to do with Facebook Creative. You could Google it, I imagine. So, anyway. It's so nice to wine. I know, I know, you cannot buy a glass of wine for eight dollars 50 in a restaurant, Jason. It's upsetting, it's unbecoming to the wine, and it's probably unbecoming to your own self if you would drink the wine, because it's gonna be full of shit for that price. It's just, the whole situation was just upsetting to behold. So, the triggers, okay. I feel revived. I feel a little concerned that I got validated by comments in a really big way, when I should only be validating my own self, so we'll work on that later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. We'll work on it later. I'll give you some affirmations. Love thyself.

That's probably [inaudible 00:18:45]. And actually I do. Yay me. And we already talked about that earlier today. I did the self pleasure blog. It wasn't really about self pleasure, but I was certainly thinking about self pleasure, and it was about self pleasure. The whole thing was about pleasure. Depends whether you mean masturbation or not, when you're talking about self pleasure. But that was definitely part of it, and it was involved. So, the trigger thing. If you don't ...

Okay. If you don't learn the lesson ... Just making sure everything's in order because I'm getting overheated. If you don't learn the lessons that you need to learn ... All right. Now I'm clashing with the painting. I don't match the painting at all. This is gonna have to stay on. This is why I can't sit in front of this painting normally. My art clashes with the other art. If I would turn my back to you, I feel like what's on my back would totally go with that art. No. Nope. Okay. I don't know what country you're drinking you're wine in, but you cannot go around having a glass of wine for eight dollars 50 at a restaurant in Australia. It's not acceptable.

If you're in a different country, I'll give you permission to have something for eight dollars 50, depending on where you are. Because sometimes wine here is expensive, right? So, if you see a glass of wine for eight dollars 50, that is a cheap ass, dodgy ass wine that you don't wanna drink, that's for sure. It's upsetting to see that price on a menu. Okay. If you don't learn the lesson from the fucking trigger, it's going to keep coming back at you, right? So, to ...

Okay, I was frozen in a most unflattering position just now on my own phone screen. So, it was just a little bloop of a trigger. Exactly it made that noise, as I was walking about doing my business. Which was largely that I wanted to sit in the sun. That was roughly the entire business for the moment in time. And I thought to myself, "Ah, don't even need to think about that. Whatever, put it aside." And I did, for a moment or for several hours, or whatever. And then it just presented itself merrily back to me. Via reappearing in my Facebook feed, like a mother fucker. Just so that I could be reminded again of the trigger, and this time it was like, ugh. Exactly like that, like an annoying fly on your shoulder.

And you're just like, "Brush it away, brush it away, brush it away. I don't need to know about this shit. You can mosey on along to another feed, not my feed." But then, then, then, I went and did some inner stuff, [meditationy 00:21:13] sort of zen situation that I had myself in, in the afternoon. You don't need to know all the details, and then from there, something occurred to me, which I found simultaneously fascinating and infuriating. Fascinated and infuriating. Which was that perhaps this trigger had been given to me for the opportunity of growth, which is always the case, actually. I think you'll find. I don't really care for the fact that these comments are not coming up here.

Trigger sound bites. Exactly right. The lessons will keep coming back until you learn them. I'm just ignoring the comments about my top. It's not like I was showing anything anyway. God knows I've shown a fuckload more than that on my own streams before. Largely by accident. All right. Check out my black and gold cushion. How do you like my styling of my own couch? I styled this couch myself. I styled myself with my black shiny leggings, and my wild top. I won't flash it to you again since you're all getting so concerned about it. And I styled this black and gold cushion to match that, and then I brought this pinky cushion in to match it. Now here we are.

So, all your lessons will keep on coming back until you figure them the fuck out. If you don't shift and learn from what you were supposed to, from each lesson or trigger that presents itself to you, then it's just gonna be like a persistent child in a candy store, just tugging on your leg, except in a much more annoying way and impacting you, potentially in your ability to make money. Something's beeping. Let's ignore it. Potentially in your ability to make money, or receive in other areas, or whatever it is. So, as I went into my zen meditation period within my day, it occurred to me, what if I was grateful for the trigger? Hmm?

How do you feel about that? What was the most recent thing you were triggered by? Do you wanna tell me? Put it in the comments. Let's hear. What was the most recent thing where you were like ... Or maybe you were like fuck you. Or maybe you were like ... it really deflated you and it made you feel sad. That's okay. You can own it. We all been there. We've all been there. Share your triggers. So, this thing was just kind of uncomfortable and annoying, but I wouldn't say it was majorly triggering me, but it felt a bit ... It felt like it was throwing me a little bit. You know where you get thrown and you're kinda like, I was on my path, I was completely doing my thing, and just like la, la, la, happy. And now I feel like hmm. Hmm, do I need to think about that? No, I don't want to because it's annoying, so I'll put it aside, but then Facebook just brings it back to you on your news feed, helpfully.

And then you go and you try and do your inner shit, and your meditation shit, and your zen shit, and you're like ahhh, and then it's like knocking on the door inside of your head. And so, it occurred to me that I could be grateful. I do indeed know ... Jamie says her most recent trigger was somebody's face. I love it. Jason says, "WB." I've got no idea what that means. Georgina says, "I think you know." I think I do. I've got to admit though, Jamie, I'm frequently triggered by people just from them existing, and frequently inside of my head I feel like saying something to somebody. Like, can you please just not exist near me? And that's 100% my own shit, for sure.

Because I do it to random people who did nothing at all. They didn't even bump into me, they did nothing. They were just existing in their own time and space, like being a perfectly lovely, wonderful person, quite likely. Or maybe a complete asshole, but how would I know? They were not doing anything to me, and I'm just like, "Stop existing near me." Is how I feel about the matter.

I suppose it's typically when I'm having one of those days, or afternoons where I shouldn't be seen around people, and I should hide myself from the world. Or something like that. Jamie was triggered by somebody's face in their email. That's awesome. Just look at you with your face, right there in the email. So, mine was may be somewhat similar to that. I was definitely triggered by a person for just being a person, and I was like, "I'm sure you're a perfectly lovely person, but I just don't care for your personness right now." And then you see your own ridiculousness, and you're like, "Just put it aside, just centre yourself and be a fucking adult, or a professional, or whoever you're supposed to be imagining that you're being for the day." And then it just keeps coming back and you're like grrr.

So, anyway, I decided to flip it into gratitude. And it was actually a real thing, right? It wasn't like I'm going to try and flip this into gratitude, or let me find a way to be grateful for this discomfort. Was I grateful for the person? Maybe. Yes, no I think I was. It was genuine gratitude that came along to me. It was kind of like, ahhh. It was an Unagi moment, for sure. Like, Unagi. Right? It was a moment of realisation and recognition, like ooh, this is good. And do you know why I realised it was good? Because of the burn. Hence the title of this live stream. Let's say it all together. Burn. Okay. Lately my voice has been doing weird things. Two days ago it broke, like a teenage boy. My voice just broke, mid live stream. It was pretty embarrassing. And now I don't know what that was. It sounded like a small piglet grunting.

Okay. People copying me, says Julie. That's a definite trigger alert. Trigger alert. In fact, even today when this happened, I may or may not have audioed my friend saying, "Trigger alert." And then I felt like an idiot. Spicy salmon roll. Exactly. Unagi. I thought it was salmon skin roll. Hmm. We gotta watch some Yes Minister, and some Friends. It's obvious. Yes. Okay. Got it. On the friends and the fuckwits.

So, I just 100% did flip into gratitude, and the reason for the gratitude was that I realised how good the discomfort was. It actually reminded me in that moment of the feeling, or kind of the philosophy that I have around the days when I do like six to eight hour day getting tattoo work done on me, and often it's about six hours, but the longest I've done I think is nine. So, let's say somewhere between six and eight hour sessions, where we'll have like a five minute fucking break, two or three times throughout, and that's it really.

And it reminded me of that, because the way that I've worked to get through that, and even to open up and embrace it, not just get through it, has been by opening myself up to the pain, right? Like I think the first time that I did ... I mean, I had like two little tattoos. One from 20 years ago, when I was 18, and one from about 11 years ago. But they were tiny. So, then when I started doing all the big work that I've now got all over my upper body, the first one which was on my shoulder, was a five hour session. That I just found so painful, I found it so traumatic. For some reason, the next morning my gums were bleeding like a mother fucker. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck, my body was so not used to it. I was just really whacked from it for several days.

But I was fine overall. It's not like I couldn't function. But it affected me. And then the next time when I came back ... And I really felt all the pain of it, right? I just found it such a painful experience, but the next time when I came back, I guess I was kind of psychologically prepared for it, and it was gonna be a longer session ... I think that was the first eight hour one, and I really just decided I'm gonna open myself up to this pain, and I'm gonna embrace the pain. And I didn't know if I'd fully decided that in advance. I know I had kind of psychologically prepped myself in advance, and thought about it. But it was within the first hour or so of that day that I noticed I was continually pulling away internally from the pain, and just kind of like we do when something triggers us online, right? Or offline.

Where you're like, ugh. You wanna avoid it, or it might just be a little bit annoying like that, which is how I felt today, just a little bit annoyed. But it could be a bigger thing, and then you feel really disheartened, or really sad, or really upset or whatever it might be. And so, you pull away, right? Or you turn away, or you kind of try and withdraw and you distract yourself with other stuff. And in this case, with the tattoo thing, back then that's what I was sort of trying to do. I was trying to pull away internally. You can't pull away physically, or you're gonna screw up the fricking art work, right?

And all of a sudden, I had this Unagi moment. Complete fricking hashtag Unagi. And the Unagi moment was ... and if you don't know what an Unagi moment is, then just chat amongst yourselves and figure it out. Hello. I did say trigger alert out loud. I'm definitely not as cool as I purport to be. That's for sure, right? I might walk around presenting myself to the world as somewhat of a badass. I'm pretty certain it's not true, and if I was interviewed extensively on the matter, and required to prove myself, really all I'd be able to present as evidence is probably this jacket, this gold bling-bling cushion, and my tattoos.

But probably get through on that. Just a little side tip there, just so you know. Total nerd. That's the problem. Just sneaks out from time to time, and it is what it is. We all have to live with ourselves in the end. So, anyway ... Oh my fucking God. Okay, my friend, who I said trigger alert to, has messaged me saying, "Oh my fucking God", right now. It just came through them. She must've had a trigger alert as well. We'll find out later. I'm not gonna read it now. I can just see the top of it. From time to time the geekyness just slips out, but I feel like I mask it well, and nobody's really quite certain what's going on.

Is she secretly like a massive bookworm nerd? Well, actually that part's true. Who sits largely at home watching old episodes of Yes Minister with her father. Well, he lives in another state, but still, on an energetic level perhaps. Or is she a total gangster badass who's just out there taking on the world, and doing whatever she wants, and making millions of dollars? Well, the millions of dollars part for sure. Gangsta badass? That's just a freaking thing that you put on. Right? It's like stepping into a performer. Oh my God, should we get back to the trigger thing in a moment and talk about something about sex for a second?

Because last night I was at an event about the bedroom and the sex things, and the enlightenment things, and being more sexual and sensual, and having more pleasure, blah, blah, blah. It was amazing, by the way. But people were talking about whether or not it's okay to be a performer sexually, either to perform to your partner ... you know, like to kind of put on a show. Or performing when you're having sex with your own self, which was an interesting concept for me, because it was like, "Do I? Do I perform when I'm alone?" I actually don't think I do. I genuinely don't think I perform for my own self during sex. I don't even know if I perform for anyone else during sex. I felt a little bit bad about it. I was like, "I don't think I do put on a show. I think I'm just authentic." Which could be a good thing.

But then people ... But no, performing is fine, because then people were being like, maybe it's not okay to be a performer, because they were saying it's not authentic or real. And I was still trying to assess my own sexual moves and whether or not I'm a performer. Okay, definitely have performed at times during sex. That's for sure. I feel like I need to bring out the performer more, the more that I think about it. But I was certainly feeling that there's nothing bad or wrong with being a performer during sex, or at any other time, because obviously I perform all the time, and that's really what being a badass is. It's just stepping into it.

And it's part of who you are. That's just one part of you. Be all that you are. Be a performer. Be the scarlet woman. Be the quiet book nerd. Be the person who embarrassingly yells trigger alert in a public place, if need be. So, it was actual gratitude, because I suddenly realised that this opportunity had been presented to me via the gods of Facebook. I'm not sure how many of them there are. The Facebook overlords, I feel, would be probably a more appropriate way to classify those people. Rather than Facebook gods. I have to rearrange my legs.

So, they had presented the opportunity for me to be triggered several times over, because I tried to ignore it, and then the stupid annoying post just popped merrily back into my feed and I had to see it again. So, I was like fine. Okay, I'll ignore it again. And then I thought about it later, and I was like, "Well, or I could be grateful." And I could imagine to myself ... I thought about the tattoo thing. I thought about how when I learn to lean into the pain of the tattooing, the long sessions, I became grateful for the way that it was strengthening me, and that's how I felt about it. In that moment, as I flipped into gratitude. I was like, yeah. This is strengthening me. This is making me into a warrior of inner power and strength, and resilience.

I don't think I used to word warrior, but I did send a message to my friend. I'll check what I even said, and maybe I'll read it to you if it's not too sneaky and cheeky. Well, it's kind of boring, anyway. I said I flipped into gratitude. That was the whole message. It's very boring. It's way more interesting the way I'm telling the story here. Because I just realised that all these things come along to teach us something and to help us to grow, and to become more grounded in who we are. Right? So, maybe you see somebody's post, maybe somebody's triggered by me right now. That would be an unusual thing, and probably the first time that it's ever happened, I would imagine.

Somebody should write me a letter and tell me about it, for sure. Don't worry, they already do. All the fucking time. Usually when they sign up as clients, and they tell me how much they couldn't stand me for three years prior to that. Not everyone, not everyone. Where's my comments? I'm getting no comments on my phone. Adidas and Lycra do go together. I have the matching pants for this jacket, you guys. I can go full gangsta. I wore them to a night club opening. It wasn't a night club opening, it was an app launch at Bootsy Bellows on Sunset Boulevard. A year ago.

They're like 18 months old, this jacket. How embarrassing. Whatever. But, old fashion. But always fashion. There's no point in time at which the three stripes are not in. But I do have the matching pants for them. They're low rider pants though. They're super low rider. You gotta stay as upright as a pin if you wear those pants. If you bend yourself just a little bit, your whole ass is hanging out the back end, which may or may not be a good thing. But it's an annoying thing when it's a windy evening and you're trying to wear some Tonne Ford shoes with a whole bling-bling black shiny Adidas, slash Adidas. Whatever it's supposed to be, get up going on, and you've got a bunch of bling chains on, and your hair in a top knot because somebody said that it looks fancy.

I'm just hypothesising. I'm not saying that that actually happened. So, anyhow, it's always a fricking opportunity to grow and become stronger, and grounded in who you are. If you ignore the triggers, when somebody triggers you ... That's right. I was talking about maybe I'm triggering somebody. I'm triggering people all the fucking time. They do seem to enjoy telling me about it. Well, sometimes my existing clients tell me the things that other people say about me, in enclosed Facebook groups or message threads, or wherever they are.

And I guess shocked and appalled, and then other times people tell me themselves how much I annoy the fuck out of them for how ever many years before they fell just wildly and haplessly, and helplessly in love with me. You're welcome. I understand, because sometimes I trigger myself as well, for sure. Sometimes when I watch my own replays, and I really was in full performer mode, sometimes I smack talk myself. But in a total self love way, because I do love and accept myself. I really just nailed that shit last year, actually. After much work prior to that.

So, sometimes though, I do smack talk myself. Sometimes I'm like, "Really? Like you really think that that was a smart move? Look at you. Who do you think you are?" But then I think what's happening is it's the performer within the performer, because I think when I'm smack talking myself, that actually what I'm doing is I'm kind of simultaneously playing several Seinfeld-esque type roles at one. So, kind of the voice of me that's smack talking the other version of me who was already on the live stream, that one is that new one who is doing the smack talking, is now quite impressed with her own hilarity and wittiness, and so she's becoming the performer, smack talking the other one.

So, then I get super clever at telling my own previous self off. It's kind of confusing, but if you think about it, it's very logical and entirely normal, I'm sure. But anyway, I do. I'll watch my own live stream replays probably half the time, because I have no idea what I fucking said, and then I like to see the comments coming in and what people had to say that I was missing. And it's not uncommon that I'll just be like, "Oh my God, I can't even look at this. This is so embarrassing to look at." Or it's annoying. There's been times for sure, many times, where I'm like, "Would you just shut up? Why are you talking so much? Can you ever possibly get to the point?"

Or if it pops on to my screen and starts talking, I'm like, "My God, she's so annoying. She just keeps talking, and talking, and talking." But I say it all with a smile, because I just still also do love it. And I accept it. And I just either way, and nevermind, I keep on allowing it out. So, there you have it. I think that's everything I came here to say. I'm not remote ... Oh my God. I've only had this one glass of wine, because I didn't even drink the wine at dinner, and I've already forgotten how to talk. I'm not ... What's happening? Told you it was topsy turvy day. I'm not remotely impressed with my own ... No, with Facebook's inability to show me the comments on my phone. It's kind of annoying having to look over here all the time.

So, the driven by the burn thing was simply, it is exciting to feel the pain, I think, right? I don't know. I get off on it. Not in a sexual way. Sorry, if anybody was hoping that. Nope. Not actually. In a life way, for sure. I find it exciting and fun, and definitely there's some ego in there for sure, I would say, about being able to take it, and enjoy it, and thrive on it, and I feel very self satisfied that I know that I'm getting stronger in situations where other people would flake out, or run away, and do exactly that, and I see them do that, right?

So, I feel satisfied with myself when I do like a six to eight hour session at the tattoo studio. I feel glad it's over, but I feel like I became stronger, and I feel proud of myself. And same with many situations in business and life. Many things that I've persevered through, which I just know other people wouldn't. And then I feel really good about myself. And this particular little minor situation today, which was sort of being relatively easy. I was gonna say so easy to brush aside and forget about as well, because it wasn't anything that's really even remotely connected to my world, but then it's so easy ... sort of so easy to brush aside, because really, things do keep circling back if we brush them aside when they kind of knocked on the door for a reason.

And instead, I allowed myself to feel it, and allowed myself to feel the discomfort, and to feel that trigger feeling, and to feel kind of that slight annoyance, or whatever it was, and really it's all fear. If we're being triggered by something and we're feeling discomfort or annoyance, or frustration, or whatever it is, being disheartened, it's actually all fear. It's actually all ... it all boils down in the end to some sort of version of maybe I'm not good enough, maybe I couldn't do that, or be like that, or show up like that, or whatever it might be, right? I think even when we're ...

Even Jamie said, she was triggered by someone's face. Where in there is there sometimes around how somebody else is showing up? And how you wanna show up, right? Just for example. So, for me, I find it really helpful and I think it was a good choice, to allow myself to then feel all of those feelings, and then to be like, "Oh, this is so good", because just like when I feel all the feelings of the tattoo work, it allows me to grow stronger, because I increase my ability to withstand that so called pain, I guess. Or I realise that it's not as painful as I thought, so I change my perceptions, I adapt, I do all these amazing things altogether. It was kind of the same thing, right?

I changed my perceptions, I adapt, I felt myself grow stronger, I felt myself grow more grounded in who I was, and so instead of something that was like a burn or a pain, or a discomfort, being that, and being a supposed bad thing or a negative thing, it became a positive thing, and it became something that was exciting, and that I genuinely felt grateful for that opportunity through the day to kind of heal or shift sometimes inside of myself, and become even more connected to my own self, my own soul, my own truth about who I am and how I get to show up in the world, right?

And I just think man, we have all these continual opportunities through the day and through, well, every day, and every week, and every month, and just day in and day out, to grown and to become stronger, better humans, more powerful entrepreneurs, more centred, more soul connected, et cetera. And if you allow each of those opportunities to be what they are meant to be, and what they came here to be, you become this ... Honestly, you just become an unstoppable success machine. Which I believe is how it's meant to be. I feel that that is meant to be the human experience, right?

So, I don't think that my, I guess, mindset, which is something that I've cultivated to a strong level, or however you wanna term it, for many years now. I don't think that it's anything special in a sense that it's not ... it is special, and it's special to me, and it's unique, and unique to me as well, but it's available for everybody, right? Yet when I go on occasion into environments with people who are not, I'm gonna say, as committed to their growth work as myself, or my clients, or my friends, actually it tends to shock me because it's quite rare for me to really connect in a deep way, or spend an extended period of time with people who don't kind of think and grow all day, every day. And continually up-level themselves.

So, obviously I would go out in the evening to places socially, or restaurants, or the beach, or an airport, or wherever. Clearly I'm around people all the time, but I would say that it's rare to be in a situation where you really hear a lot from people who are not like us, right? I don't know if you relate to this. But it's happened to me once or twice recently, and I found it quite shocking. Like eye opening, and almost like wow, I think I've become super naïve about how the world works. I think I've forgotten how little growth work the vast majority of people do, and how rare it is to actually continually up-level every single day, which is what I do, what my clients do, what my friends do. And I honestly think that 24 hours a day I'm doing mindset work and I'm up-leveling and growing. It's just become automatic, right?

So, for us, if you relate, for us then every single thing that comes along, becomes a growth opportunity and a healing opportunity, and I know with my friends and with my clients, and it's like a continual conversation every day, where it's like oh my God, this happened, and I felt this way, and it was like ugh, and then it's like hmm, and what I realised is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Even random shit, like little road rage, right? I don't even mean something major, or maybe running late, or okay. I'll give you an example.

Last week, I was kind of snarky with the new babysitter who came along. A babysitter that I hired from an agency, and she ended up being like 20 minutes late, and I was going to a movie with my sister. And I was like, "I'm gonna miss the start of the movie." She's like ... Oh no, she was 30 minutes late by the time she got here upstairs. I kind of, I was [restrainededly 00:46:57] polite, but I kind of deliberately made my voice in a way where I showed that I was annoyed. And I knew that I was deliberately, I wanted her to know that I was annoyed at her, right? So, I was kind of being understanding, but in a snooty snort of a way.

And then when I left, I felt bad about it, and I kind of ... I was really nice to her right before I left, and I sort of tried to smooth over what I felt was my own bad attitude. And now, this is an example, right? Because then I left, and so I spent the drive to the movie theatre kind of going over it in my head, and then as I walk through the car park, I audio my friend. I'm like, "Right. So, here's what happened. Do you feel that I was in a state of ego? Or do you feel that it's fair enough for me to show my boundaries, and show what's acceptable to me when somebody's late? But then again, here's why I would be compassionate to her understanding of her being late, because of whatever such and such reason that I was giving her kind of like an out for being late." She wasn't just randomly late. There was like a whole confusion thing that had happened.

But it ended up being probably by the time I'd gone back and forth on audios with my friend about this, and then I spoke with my sister about it as well, while we had dinner, or while we had a drink or whatever. It ended up being probably 30 minutes of an analysis around this situation, which was not like fucking naval gazing, right? It was healing and correcting and understanding something like was I in ego? Or this is a trait that I didn't really feel that was attractive in myself, and then I was like, "Hmm, I notice that I do that from time to time." I used to do it a lot. I've shifted it massively, but let's say that you wait for ages in a queue, and then you get to the front of the queue, and you just kind of deliberately want that person in the checkout, the checkout person, to know that you're shitty about it, right? And that this is not okay, and I'm important, and I shouldn't have had to wait.

It's a very common thing that you see people do all the time. I very rarely do it at all anymore, but I definitely used to, and I see it a lot. I see it with people boarding planes, is another one. If there's been some sort of hold up, and so then I talked about that, and I kind of processed it, and I'm like, "Hmm, do I still do that? Because it's definitely not a trait that I desire to keep in myself if I do that." And it was just kind of this whole thing, and then it brought up something in my friend. And so then we spoke about that, and I don't know if it was that situation, or some other sort of similar, pretty low key situation, but recently I found myself saying to someone, "You know, this is not normal that people don't have hiccups in their day, or just random little disruptions or triggers, or they feel a bit bad about their own behaviour, and then they're not sure whether or not they should feel bad about it", or whatever.

But they don't then go an have an audio conversation with a friend about it, and turn it into a high level consciousness conversation. And then have all these breakthroughs and a-has and then connect it into some other part of their life, and then have a massive fucking revolution about something huge because you pulled at that one little string. That's not what people do. But that's what we do all day, every day. Every burn, every pain, every discomfort, every disruption, every little trigger gets turned into growth. And so, what I've found is that just through the process of being this person, that over the years, it's become, for a while now, a long time now I would say, like all day every day mindset work.

Everything is continually shifting and growing, and evolving, and the smallest things get to become kind of little threads that can be pulled on, and undo the biggest things. And sometimes it feels, I guess, kind of relentless or exhausting, or sometimes you just think, "Man, can I ever just move on and not analyse or seek to understand every single thing that comes along?" But it's not really about that. It's about being so committed to growth. Allison says, "That's the exact sort of friendships I want for me now." Well, I feel that you'll totally create that and call that in through Rich Hot Empire. And that's why I created the inner circle for as well. Not specifically continual shifting and up-leveling and analysis of little day to day situations, but that sort of environment, right?

Like a women's circle, or it's like women, men, whatever. But a circle of like-minded individuals who are connected by ... well, a like-minded desire, right? To continually grow and evolve. 100% of my friendships are like that now. I just can't even imagine a friendship that would be different. Yes, it's about sometimes just hanging out and being silly, and having fun, or whatever. Or just sometimes it's just kind of sharing what's going on, and connecting in that way. But honestly, every single thing that causes any, either of us, whoever's in the relationship, any sort of disruption or feeling of, "Oh, I don't feel quite in alignment now", or I feel like maybe that wasn't the best choice, or was I coming from this place? And what do you think? It's just continual discussion and continual evolution and growth.

So then, and that's exactly how it is in the inner circle, and there's a few inner circle people in here so you know this, right? But with all of my clients as well, in Rich Hot Empire, which you're in obviously Allison, it's a version of that. Julie says, "It's 24/7, even when I look like I'm doing nothing, I'm doing everything." Exactly. Right? Like I could be standing, waiting for something at the post office, or ... I usually wouldn't do that, so I'd send Serafina. But if I was, right? Or wherever I am, at a store or something, or pumping gas, or I don't know, getting changed in the gym, and you just continually kind of creating your life in your mind. And then on occasion, you go into an environment with normal people, not just okay, passing through the airport or whatever.

But where you're actually listening to people who are not like that, and hearing how they do life, and I do find it really shocking. Honestly, I do. I find it kind of like that, is how I feel. I kind of feel like, oh my God. How do you even live? And I guess I logically know that the way we think and do life is so different, but maybe I didn't realise it's so different, because I think you just adapt to, of course I'm gonna turn everything into an exercise and a lesson around alignment. What else would I do, right?

Of course every single thing that occurs or happens in my life is monetizable, if I want it to be, right? I don't take every single tiny thing in my life and turn it into content, or turn it into money, but a pretty good percentage. Of course, every random story, whether it's a funny story, or a silly story, or a an up-level story, whatever, of course that can be content. And money as well, right? So, I don't know, it's just ... I just think I'm so fucking happy to be the person that I am, and I'm so fucking happy to have created a community around me of like-minded individuals as well, because I think it would sound crazy if you were trying to explain this stuff to anybody else out there.

And of course, that's that's why many entrepreneurs end up alone. Hello, Sally. Hello, Kyra. I see you jumping on. Jamie says, "This reminds me of the beginning of our call on Tuesday." I'm in such a rambly mode. The live stream on Facebook, on my laptop computer over here says that only three people have been reached so far, from this live stream. I feel that that's quite a bunch of lies, actually. Because there's definitely like 28 people who are on right now live and there's been tonnes more before. So, my inner circle, if you don't know ...

Okay, that silver cushion was not supposed to be on screen. That was not part of my visuals that I decided. I wanted it behind my back. Let's fix that up. The inner circle is open, by the way, which is my private client, 12 month ongoing one on one mentoring. I have been actively promoting that for two days now, and I've had some amazing badass people reaching out about that. And starting to say yes as well. So, this is a really, really exciting time for me, because my inner circle is ... well, it's my most inner circle. My innermost circle, and it's exciting to really put some focused attention into the growth of the inner circle, for this current time. And just watch the badassery rise.

It is completely unlimited one on one access to me. It is the hottest and most badass mastermind in the world. Created by me, for driven entrepreneurs, creators, the crazy ones who just want more. And it's really the kind of thing to have an individual conversation about. So, there's not a whole lot more that I'm gonna say about it right now. If you'd like to know what it's like to mentor with me at the highest one on one level, then the best thing to do is ...

Actually, you can click on the cover photo, I think. Let me just double check. You can go on the cover photo of this page, or my personal page, yeah. And if you click on that, there's a little overview description. I'll even put a version of it here into a comment here. But really, you're just gonna message me, okay? You're just gonna send me a private message on my personal Facebook is best. Not this one ideally. I'm live streaming from my business page right now. But I do take messages on the business page, I just prefer them on the personal page. I prefer to have my personal conversations on my personal page.

Send me a message if you'd like to know more about the inner circle. I will send you a written overview that explains what it's about and how it all works, and what you get. Largely, you get being in my energy. You get me, you get coming into that space and that environment. You also get a tonne of other things, including amazing retreats and the next one is coming up in July. And then there's a video, or a couple videos even, where I talk about it more, and some other things that you can look at. But you can send me a message about it, and I'll get you all the details. So, I wanted to tell you about that.

Here's a small written overview. I'm popping it into the comment now. I really like the way this set looks actually, on my computer by the way. I should sit here on this couch more often. I've got so many cool bling-bling couches in this house. I've got two more really bling-bling couches way over there. So, right here behind this phone screen in my kitchen, and this is the studio, as you know. The throne's right there. And then, through the other room is a massive lounge. The big lounge. The main lounge, downstairs lounge. That has two hot as fuck couches on it. And this massive big painting that's over there, is supposed to sit above one of them, and I'm not sure why it's not up there.

And then there's another whole lounge room upstairs which nobody ever uses at all. Lounge room, living room, whatever it is. Anyway. I have the low down on all my living areas. And now you have the low down on the inner circle. It's in the page comment there. That's a small low down. If you want the whole low overview, you gotta message me about that. All right. I could ramble on and on all evening. Do I have anything else to say? Do you have anything else you'd like me to say? Tell me something interesting. Everything gets to be turned into a story about alignment. Everything gets to be turned into growth. That's really what driven by the burn meant, when I divinely had that title for a live stream given to me, whilst in the bathroom.

It was really just that everything gets to be turned into growth, and that I think if you embrace the discomfort or even pain, and you see it as purposeful, which it absolutely is and can be, then it becomes exciting. And that, to me, is kind of not even about the outcomes, right? Because the outcome of shifting through discomfort and pain, and triggers, or whatever it is, the outcome is actually like fucking abundance and the ability to receive. The outcome can be phenomenal, right? And absolutely will be, and it will connect into all areas, but for me, what's probably more exciting than that, to be honest, what I'm really driven by is not the outcome of getting through a period of growth, or discomfort, or pain, or whatever it might be. It's actually the feeling that I get from being in that moment, right?

Where I'm experiencing the so-called pain, and I'm like, "Oh my God", and I'm okay with it. I'm not only okay with it, but I've actually found a way to thrive on it, and to enjoy it. You know, it could sound a little bit masochistic? Or sadistic? Which ones the one that's to yourself? I don't know. I'm not up with my pain words, even though I'm driven by pain, or driven by purposeful pain. Right? So, it sounds a little bit like that. It sounds a little bit like ... trying to get off on pain for no reason, or something like that. I'm waiting to see if somebody tells me what word it is here in the comments. But it's not that. It's abour realising that these things generally are sent to serve us, and for us to grow, and that it's actually only positive.

You know, I think that we could really reframe the concept of pain and discomfort, and struggle, and realise that it's not a bad thing. It's not something to be scared of. No, it doesn't mean that it's gonna suddenly feel comfortable, or that if something feels painful that it will all of a sudden not feel painful. It's about realising that pain, purposeful pain ... it hurts, but then it feels better than what it hurts, right? It hurts so good. And I genuinely believe that. So, you can be feeling the pain and you're in the pain, but you're like, it's so good. It's doing me so much good, right? Same as working out. It's a really obvious example of that. Like, oh my God, I'm loving that I'm feeling this so much. Like oh my God. Fuck, I can't keep going, but it's so good. It hurts so good.

And you know that you're growing, and you know that you're becoming stronger. So, to me that's what it's all about, and frankly I'm really not interested in working with, or even collaborating, or communicating with anybody who would think that pain is something to be avoided, or that struggle is something to be avoided, or the discomfort is something to be avoided. To me, that's some of the most exciting stuff in the world. It's where you really have the opportunity to experience what it really means to be human. To experience growth, and to experience the incredible rush and the incredible power that does come from overcoming adversity, or looking I guess, your inner demons, or your inner insecurities in the eye, and pushing on regardless, on the path of alignment.

And I think maybe the final thing I wanna leave you with ... Alignment itself is such an interesting term that I feel like very few people understand. Alignment doesn't mean you're bouncing around on a fucking marshmallow cloud with unicorns, sitting by your side, and everything's la. Alignment is continual growth, right? And in fact, we're never fully in alignment. We're always slightly off course, and just adjusting, adjusting, adjusting, kind of like how a plane is never exactly on target for reaching it's destination, but then it does. It ultimately reach there, because it's continually aligning to the destination.

So, that's one thing about alignment. But also, the process of alignment itself is one that inherently contains and includes discomfort, and scary times, or confronting times. Or things that are thrown up at us to kind of test us and to help us to become stronger, and to help us become better equipped for the journey ahead, right? If you wanna create an amazing life, and you wanna forge ahead with all of the things that you have inside of you, you're going to need to have certain skills for that. You're going to need to be a person different to the other people out there. You're going to need to be able to handle, or endure, or overcome, but I believe also thrive on things that other people would run from.

And it really is a topic that I feel so passionately about, because I think that what actual pain is, in the sense of how most people would define the word pain, like what actually would fucking be painful is living your life in a way where you're not willing to face into adversity, or to face into discomfort, or to face into that growth because oh, it's gonna hurt. Or it's gonna feel uncomfortable, so no, I'll stay over here and stay in the safe zone. Or stay in the comfort zone, or whatever it is. And then okay, look how that life ends up turning out. That looks fucking painful to me. That looks painful in the sense of what people think pain is.

Actual pain, what I really believe pain is, in the way we've been talking about it, is so exciting, and it's so fulfilling, and it's so rewarding, and it's just like yeah, I'm doing this thing. I'm really in this life thing, and I'm fucking doing it. So, there you go. I'm gonna go and get more up in my life thing right now, which sounds really weird. I don't even know what it means, but I'm gonna go find something else that I'm gonna go do now, so thank you so much for being here. I feel like it was extra rambly for sure. I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery, or the jacket, or the wine, or the weird experience with the ribs. But whatever it was, it turned out exactly as it was meant to be, because it's always perfect. Everything is always perfect. And as it's meant to be. Which is another reminder when these things come along.

Okay. Thanks for watching. Thanks for watching, replay if you're in replay. Let me know if you are. Leave me a comment. I always like to look through my comments afterwards, so say something to me, let me know did this impact you? Did it give you something? Share with me what that was. Have an amazing, amazing rest of the day. I hope you get served up some really good fucking purposeful pain. Some massive triggers that are gonna piss you right off, and then you can sort that shit out, then you're gonna become stronger, and you're gonna join me as a freaking Adidas warrior. And tell me all about it.

And if you wanna join me in my inner circle, the most ... the most? The hottest and most badass mastermind in the world for creators, entrepreneurs, crazy ones, message me about mentoring with me one on one in my inner most inner circle. I will send you all the details. Message me on my personal page. Don't forget. Life is now, press play. Bye.

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