Tue, 3 April 2018
I definitely noticed that when I'm in this place of ... Fuck, I should do that, I should fix that, I should save that person. Oh my God, somebody needs something? I should go round there. I should get on a plane. Maybe I should buy them a plane ticket. Maybe I should buy them a car. Maybe I should send them my own personal assistant. Maybe I should send them my children. It's just like this ridiculous thing that goes through my head, to the point where I'm surprised I don't go around just randomly volunteering my own services as an assistant to everybody I see on the street. I've let this play out many times over the years in my business and life, where I have then given my time and energy and resources. Again, of course it's beautiful and lovely to give our time and our energy and our resources if we're called to do it.
My concern, or what I'm noticing or what I'm learning from it ... And thank you for your comment as well, EJ, about ... It's a big issue for many women. What I'm noticing is wow, when I'm in this place of I need to fix that or I need to save a certain individual person, or potentially the entire fucking Gold Coast, or the whole entrepreneurial world or whatever it is, then it's actually not coming from flow and it's not coming from soul.
It's coming from actually a need to validate myself, because in some way there's something inside of me that says if I'm not ... I guess you could say ... Working myself to the bone's probably not the right comment for me, but probably a lot of women can relate to that. I think my mum was like that, is like that. If I'm not exhausted and working myself to the bone, then I may be not living into my responsibilities. I'm not being enough, doing enough, and maybe I'm not good enough. So it's actually a self-validation thing.
For me it's not like working myself to the bone. It's more like I should give all my resources, because ... Yeah, it's ego. I should give all my resour- ... Well, I said before it wasn't ego, but I guess it is ego, in a different way to what I thought, though. I should give all of my resources, because obviously, I should do that. I don't even have the entire understanding of this or the description of what that means. But it actually comes from a need to validate my own self, which is ... Or ego, which is self-worth shit as well, which is all sorts of other stuff, and which is definitely not something that comes from alignment. It's not what comes from soul and it's not what comes from flow.