Rebel Millionaire

Okay. Now I don't see anything. What's happening? Is this real? Is it a fantasy? Is it a dream? Can you see me? Am I in the dark? I don't even fucking care. It's just all fucking happening already. Bali woo-woo magic is all over me like a motherfucker. Hey Larissa. It was so light before and now it's so dark. Why is that happening? Let me look at it on my screen here. Let me see if Facebook's up to its usual tricks where I think that I can be seen from here up, and then if I go and look at it on the laptop I can be seen from like way lower down. I think I remember my posture.

Okay, let's see what's happening here. I'm not sideways any more. I did go live sideways before. Shannon, what did you think of my message? I nearly thought I should get that whole message transcribed, Shan, and write it into a blog, because everybody needs to hear that. I was just giving Shannon, my inner circle client, the smack-down of love about being a mom and an entrepreneur, and accepting who we are as entrepreneurial moms. Which is to say, we're so not like the other moms. You've got me on-side. Well, don't flash my boobies around all over the reno site. Or do, whatever feels good for you. Not dark ... Why am I dark on my own phone? It's annoying the fuck out of me.

You guys, I've been back in Bali for less than 24 hours and I realise now that I'm creating this. I realise I'm creating it. I gotta decide if I want to stop creating it, because the truth is, maybe I embrace and I love being Bali-fucked. Do you know what I mean when I say Bali-fucked? So somebody thought, Patrick thought, that when I said Bali-fucked it meant that it's really good, right? Like you're getting fucked and it's like, "Oh my God, yes", and I was like, "No, no". This came up in conversation, I think, last time I was in Bali which was a couple of weeks ago. I always talk about being Bali-fucked and I write about it, and then everybody who comes to Bali knows exactly what that means, right? So then he said something about how amazing it is, and I was like, "No, no. No, no. That's not what Bali-fucked means." Bali-fucked is like you're getting fucked over by Bali, and it's fucking tumultuous and it's insane and it's not necessarily fun.

It's kind of like everything that can go wrong does go wrong and will go wrong, and it could be anything from weird body shit going on, weird food shit going on. This morning I woke up feeling like I'd been put on a freaking spin cycle and gone ten rounds in a ring at the same time, and my head wouldn't move and I was just like, "What's happening?", and then just now this past hour I've just been feeling so nauseous but for no reason at all, or it could be wifi stuff. Like, I'm in a really nice villa, right? But then last night I get online to teach to my clients, to my private clients, and the wifi's not working. So I get it fixed, get the IT dude out. Today I get home, my [inaudible 00:03:31], my ninja, and I've gone, I'm going to be live in five minutes. I've got an appointment coming up in another 30 minutes, I'm like, "Okay, I'm going to do my livestream now."

Okay, Michelle says I'm freezing. I'm going to assume that that's not for everyone. I'm just going to pray and manifest that that's only happening to Michelle and that it will shift from Michelle as well. And so now I come in, and then the wifi's not working again. I'm like, "Fuck, okay." So it's kind of like all these things just happen to test you, and I noticed that I really get into ego a lot when I'm here. Not always, but it can happen to me when things are not kind of flowing smoothly and they're not working, or people are not understanding me or I'm not getting what I want, or things are taking longer.

Like even just now getting my hair done, he was washing my hair like he was painting the fucking ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and I appreciate the intention, but I was like, "Please don't take 30 fucking minutes to shampoo my hair." But I'm sitting there and I'm trying to be calm. I'm like, "I'm a zen, I'm calm, I'm chill". I'm fine, and then I'm kind of like, "Um, can you shampoo faster please?", and I'm trying to talk really politely. But I just noticed this kind of ego edge that comes up from me when I'm in Bali, where it's kind of like oh my God, I just continually find myself wanting to tell people off and tell them to move faster, and so it's this message to surrender, right? And to learn and grow from it.

But then today, I messaged my friend. I'm like, "Oh my God, Bali's getting me good. I'm already like, my body's been trashed, I feel nauseous as fuck. This has happened, this has happened", and then I was like, "Wait, hold up." That is such a story. I'm so creating a story, right? And I literally manifest it, because I tell everybody all the time like an idiot. I'm continually posting about being Bali-fucked, where I'm like, "Oh my God, this is happening, this is happening."

But then I thought about it, and I was like well, of course I'm creating that. Of course I'm expecting it and creating kind of this energetic being fucked over, which I'll explain a bit more in a moment because it's actually a really good thing. I've started to create it and expect it. But then I thought, but do I desire to let go of that story? Do I actually desire to let go of that story? Because the truth is that there's definitely some ... Or maybe this is ego again, but there's some sort of pride that comes through from that, where I'm like, "Yeah. Fucking bring it, bitch. I can take it." So kind of like getting taken down in a gym, which is something I actually love and thrive on, and I guess I've got that masochistic side to me that a lot of entrepreneurs do. Or even getting all that stuff done on my back and my ribs and everything, where it's like, "Yeah, bring it on", because I know that it's making me stronger.

What I noticed with getting Bali-fucked, the energetic kind of fucking over all just the random shit that happens. Sometimes it's really little things, but then it just compounds, and sometimes there's literally been days, several days over this year where I've spent the entire day face-down naked in the foetal position on this decking here. Just couldn't move for an entire day, because ... I don't even know. I remember getting up and going, "Okay, I'll do one body weight squat and see if I can move my body", and I couldn't even. I just passed straight out again. There was no reason for it, right? It's just the energy. The energy is so intense here, and it can kind of throw you around when you first come back here.

So it is a story, and it is a choice, because of course I could tune away from that. But I think that I do consciously desire to keep choosing it, and here's why. This has got nothing to do with the topic of my livestream title, but whatever. We'll get to that when it's time and when it's aligned, and if it's not then it's not. Because it's like a detoxification, right? I can literally feel my body since being here going into releasing so much shit, metaphorically and perhaps not just metaphorically, that I've been kind of clouding myself with the last several weeks. I tend to pull myself a little out of alignment when I'm on the Gold Coast. Oh my God, I'm sweating like a motherfucker. It's just pouring off me. But I'm sitting in the sun deliberately because I want to get my tan on.

So yeah, when I'm on the Gold Coast, the truth is I'm not fully in alignment. I'm not fully in flow. That's something I get to tune into and look at, because if I desire to stay there or if I choose to stay there, then I'll shift that. At the moment my feeling and my choice is that this is not quite the aligned place for me to be, and then a couple of other things sort of came up that I got the opportunity to grow through over this past several weeks on the Gold Coast. So I feel like I let a bunch of, shall we say, not super flow energy kind of attach itself to me, right? And I think that we do that all the time. We're just going about the business of living, and depending on what situations we put ourselves into or allow ourselves to connect to, we get a bunch of not super flow energy that's kind of attaching onto us.

Now, this is not ... I'm not saying this is a bad thing or something that you shouldn't do, because it's all for growth and it's all for learning. Is that Batman water bottle? Of course, because I am Batman. It's all for growth and it's all for learning, so it's all exactly as it's meant to be. Oh my God, I'm literally dripping as though I'm in the Bikram yoga room. I always adjust back to Bali temperature in like two days. I come here every month. Within two days I'm fully adjusted, but the first day or two back I'm just like shed, shed, shed, shed, and that's exactly what I'm talking about, right?

So I could decide to change the story. I could make a decision, I'm not available to go through this kind of breakthrough fuckery that happens for the first day or two, or however long, whenever I come through into Bali. I don't choose that. I choose to just not have anything coming out of me, physically or metaphorically, and choose to not go into some form of release of nausea or feeling not well, or feeling sad or down.

This morning I think I've gone through the entire fucking emotional spectrum. I've gone through feeling completely beaten up when I woke up to I could barely get out of bed. Managed to kind of drag my ass from the bed to that day bed over there and had coffee. I was like, "Oh my God, I so don't want to move anywhere else." Went to yoga, that was extremely painful, and then came out of yoga feeling so sick and so unwell in my stomach, as though I'd eaten something bad, but I hadn't. Then went to get my hair done, which turned into just like ... It was like watching an iceberg move, watching this guy trying to do my hair. So I'm like, "Breathe through it, you don't have to make everything fast all the time".

So I went through that, and then I went through wanting to rip everyone's head off, and then I was feeling really sad and I wanted to cry, and then I was just kind of angry at the world. Then I just felt detached and disconnected, and I don't know what to do or what to talk about, and nothing is going to quite fulfil me. This was all within a 40 minute period, right? And so then I was coming back here and I'm like, "Okay, just do a fucking livestream. It's definitely going to shift you."

The reason that I think it's okay to keep allowing this, and that I choose to keep my story of Bali-fuckery and Bali fucking me over, is because I do let go of so much that I don't even necessarily realise that I've been holding onto, right? So it's like being here is this incredible fucking mirror. It's just like holding the mirror in front of you, and like oh my God. It's so full-on that it would be easier to run from it. It would be easier to kind of energetically shut yourself off from that.

But in my mind that would be equivalent to the person who wants to change their body and their health, and then they start to eat in a really amazing way and take care of themselves, and they start to have a detoxification reaction because they're not putting all that shit into their body anymore, and then they feel like shit or they get a breakout or they get sad or down, and they want to throw things at people. So then they're like, "Oh, let me go back to just eating fucking donuts and pizza all day, because I didn't have to feel all this and deal with all this." That's how I look at it.

So actually embrace it. I'm like, "Cool, thank you for the reminder to get even more back to core." I'm pretty fucking flow connected and soul connected day in and day out as it is, but when I'm here it's this incredible energetic mirror and it's literally like you can't hide from anything here. You can't hide from who you really are and what is really needing to come up and be expelled or expunged or purged from you, and quite often, it becomes a physically fucking expelling and purging. If anyone is a Bali person and comes here, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It literally starts coming out any which way out of all orifices on the body, and then it's all the emotional shit coming out, and now my computer is fucking overheating even though it's in the shade. Let's just put that over there.

So it's all the physical stuff, but then it's all the emotions like extreme sadness or extreme frustration or extreme anger, or extreme anxiety or whatever it might be. It's kind of like ... Like all day every day. Here's this fucking mirror in your face, deal with your shit. So what I choose to do is to lean into it. Okay, why are you saying, "You're welcome", Jennifer? Did you leave me a fabulous comment earlier that I didn't see? So what I choose to do is I lean into it, right? And I choose to smile at it, and I notice my patterns. I'll get into reactivity or I'll get into ego quite often here, because of maybe language barriers or just kind of like a different pace.

I'm used to just clicking my fingers and things get done, and if that doesn't happen I'm like, "Breathe through it, release. Everything is always perfect. Practise your own fucking stuff that you preach, Kat. You're always-". I nearly just called myself Chris randomly. I just nearly called myself Chris. I have no idea why that just happened. I think because I can see a little message on my WhatsApp there from my friend Chris. I just saw the name and then nearly referred to myself as Chris.

Practise what you teach, Kat, and practise what you preach. So any time anything comes up that's what we shall call a growth opportunity, or we're just not freaking feeling good and we want to be back in our flow zone, then it is always an opportunity to go deeper into ... The new [inaudible 00:12:55], yeah ... Always an opportunity to go deeper into our truth, to go deeper into locking in our own belief system, and to really coming from that place, right?

So those are some of the things that I've been thinking, and then part of that is of course, when we look then at business and when we look at what we're here to do as leaders and messengers and influencers, and the people who others look to and are inspired by, powered by, motivated by or want to learn from or buy from, I know that for more previously and I know that for my clients, when there's freaking shit going on is quite often when we would to freak out relevant to business, right? I've specifically had quite a few of my private clients in my inner circle go through extreme shit in Bali, because that's just what happens, right?

So I've had several of my ladies I can think of just off of the top of my head, even in the past two months, who've been here and have been like, "Oh my God." I can't even ... Like an extreme fever, or I'm just getting energetically fucked over every which way and in every possible situation. It just kind of becomes funny, and they lean into it and they understand the surrender process as well. But what I notice is that sometimes people will be like, "Oh my God, this is impacting my business. I can't fucking do anything", and not just with Bali.

I had this conversation with one of my other private clients in my inner circle just a couple of days ago about how she was like, "I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm just not in the vibe of livestreaming, I'm not in the vibe of messaging. I'm not doing my shit. Should I be worried about that? I'm feeling like I should worry about that. How is that going to impact my income this month? But I already had this much come in, so it doesn't seem to be impacting it. But should I worry about whether it's impacting it?", right?

So this morning I was talking with a different client over on [inaudible 00:14:30] on my private client channel, and she was talking about having this kind of realisation or breakthrough around not ... She felt that she had to, in order to be a better version of who she already is as a bad-ass entrepreneur, that she thought that she had to kind of go out there onto the internet and push people, like "Take this action", "Buy my thing", "Do my thing", right? And then she suddenly realised that she gets to just be her and just be in her energy state and that that's enough, and that just being her, people will come to her. I responded to that and I was like, "Exactly." All we need to do is to let the message be the message each day, and let who we are ... Let ourselves be ourselves each day. That's it, period, the end, right?

Which brings me full circle back to the title of this livestream, but then kind of this conversation of, well, what about when shit's being stirred up and you're feeling crazy and chaotic, all over the place energetically? Or you're on the fucking decking in the foetal position not doing anything all day, naked as the day you were born, and can't seem to get up and move. Or when you're just not feeling in that vibe of doing livestreams or messaging. Is that okay, and should we be kicking our own ass to get back into, I guess, the more obvious definition of super flow? So I talk about super flow all the time ... It's actually kind of nice having a bit of a breeze there. Alright. I talk about super flow all the time, and ... I'll switch the hair ... And I guess what I mean by that mainly is all the good things, right? All the really positive and good things.

Okay. It was reconnecting. I was like, "Please don't make a live example, Bali, of the wifi not working." By the way, since I just got paused, Mim, can you ... I'm eating my own hair now. Can you drop that comment about the inner circle? So-

Okay. Are you kidding? Has it switched the direction? What's happening? Am I now the other way? Which way am I? Oh my God. See, this is what I mean. It's just all these freaking little things. How can it do that? Did it literally switch the direction of the livestream midway through the live? Can somebody confirm that for me? Mim, what's going on? Can you WhatsApp me? The live video has ended?

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Category:general -- posted at: 3:28pm AEDT