Hi. Alright. How we doing? It looks like I'm in a small prison. Hello, Facebook. Is this working? Welcome to The Katrina Ruth Show. Okay. Three people here. Hello, three people. I might be the smartest person in the world right 'bout right now. Oh my goodness, Leah. I'm feeling all the feels. I'm in the airport. I'm at my gate. I'm in such a weird ass mood that I didn't even want to hang out in the lounge. The lounge in Bali is pretty shit. The wine is terrible, it'll poison you.
So I'm just in the room. The holding room, where you're gonna board the plane, but I've come kinda early, so I don't have to board for a while. I was so in a weird, grumpy, anxious, bizarre place all day, and then I was like, "I'm not even going to sit in the lounge, I'm going to sit on this gross ass floor, in this skanky airport boarding room, since that's the mood I'm in." And I feel fantastic.
Now, I'm going to advise to you, that I might be the most intelligent person in the world from an engineering standpoint, and the reason is, I don't have a tripod in front of me, but yet I'm not holding the phone. How is that even possible? "How is it possible," you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I might even show you, but I'm a little concerned that if I show you ... Can't even have any more coffee, 'cause my heart rate's already like frickin high as fuck today. I'm in an anxiety day today.
I'm concerned that if I show you my arrangement here that I won't be able to get the phone back in again, but I'm too excited at myself, so I'm gonna show you. Are you ready for this ninja-ri? Are you guys ready for it? Check it. So there's my Chanel luggage case. It's beautiful, isn't it? Chanel. And there's my purse, and there's the airport lounge, and there's the gross ass carpet that I'm sitting on, and here's me.
Okay, now the phone's telling me off for rotating it. So aren't I intelligent? Because, I had the phone stuffed here, I had the phone stuck behind that. I'm so impressed at myself. I'm just like, "Look at me." Sometimes I think I'm just a little school girl. I'm like, "How am I the age I am?" I walk around in little shorts, with Nike's on, looking like an escaped backpacker, and then sit on the floor. I don't know. I just feel like one of these things is not like the other. Something's wrong in this picture or something, but at the same time, obviously I fully embrace, and love, and accept myself. But I just have that feeling of I'm not a real adult, and somebody's gonna come along and knock on the door and be like, "Listen, we've heard that you're actually passing yourself off as a grown ass adult slash entrepreneur, and you're really not doing it quite right. But good luck to you." Right.
"How's the nail?" It looks gross. There's some congealed issues there. The Balinese man at the gym yesterday, like the gym manager dude wanted me to go to the clinic. I'm like "Fuck that, I'm not going to a frickin clinic." So now I'm just letting it do what it wants and we'll see what happens over the next few days.
So I nearly called this live-stream ... I was gonna call it something about how critical it ... and now, by the way, I look like a crazy person because as far as the rest of this waiting room is concerned, I'm talking to the back of my handbag right now cause they can't see the phone. But check out the new top, it's good isn't it? It's good. So I nearly called this live-stream something about ... By the way maybe you can just chuck that call to action straight in, go right into the CTA.
Whose joined break the internet? Okay, I keep being like, "What the fuck is that loud noise?" And I was getting really shitty about it. It sounds like a massive vacuum cleaner, and then I realised it's a plane landing. I'm at the airport, it's probably okay for a plane to be landing. And, they take your water off you though when you check in to the ... You actually have to check into the waiting room in Bali. You've gotta check in, and they search your bags before you can just wait to get on the plane, and then they take your water off you. It's super annoying. So, now I'm live streaming which means I always want water, and I'm sitting quite far back, because otherwise the top of my head's cut off. So, I'll just lean down.
So, what was I saying? Oh, whose joined break the internet? We'll talk about that in a moment, that is next level. I almost convinced myself that I shouldn't livestream today, because my energy's not super crazy, and high vibrant badass like it was yesterday. And, then I was like, "What is this bullshit story? This is how I'm feeling today, I'm gonna show up as who I am today." Do you think they could possibly quiet down with the announcements, when somebody's trying to livestream? People can figure their own shit out at the airport.
Okay I'm getting side tracked already. So my other title that I had in mind, was that I could call this livestream something like, "How critical it is to lean into the feelings that are coming through you." But, then I reminded myself to always go with what was originally coming out, which in this case was, "It's okay to feel what you're feeling." Reason being, yesterday as you might know I did one of the craziest, bizarre ... The [inaudible 00:05:42].
And then, I gotta say, this waiting room area is massive, and as soon as I went live people came and sat near me. What's that about? Why did they not sit on the other side of the room? So, now I've got that slight feeling of self consciousness, where I'm like conscious that people can sort of hear me and are probably like, "What the fuck she's doing." At the same time, like fully committed to being as crazy as possible, and waving my arms around in the air if that's what comes out.
"Hello from Norway." But, tell me if you've joined Break the Internet. That shit is just gonna rip the soul right out of you. Which doesn't sound ideal, to be honest. It's not really what I meant. It's not gonna take from you. You won't lose your soul. What I should do is stand up. I'm gonna sit here in a zen like fashion. Do you think I should sit here like this for the rest of the livestream? Could do. I want this phone to be a little bit higher. Actually I don't want [inaudible 00:06:30]. I just want the phone to be a bit higher, but I've gotta push this trolley back. This Chanel case back. But, I don't want that ugly red chair in my stream.
What's Break The Internet all about? Well I'm glad you asked. It's in the pinned comment Melissa. You read the pinned comment below the pre work dropped last night, it was madness. It was madly amazing. I'll talk about it in a moment, but there is details about it in the pinned comment right there. It's my new programme, it starts in two days. But, you get into the Facebook group straight away. It's a ten day intensive smack down. And, the first module, which we do on Friday, is about getting angry. Getting angry with yourself for not speaking your truth, and not sharing your true message. So, when I say it's gonna rip the soul right out of you, it was less than ideal wording. I didn't mean you're gonna lose your soul. I meant it's gonna help you to unleash your soul. It's gonna unleash the fullness of your soul out of you. Ashley stole the shenanigans with actual work.
The pre work, I'm really impressed with myself for the pre work to be honest. I mean I just like allow it to come through me, and download it. And I was like, "Fuck me, that was a good exercise." And wait till you see the follow on one. There's more pre work coming. So, you don't want to wait till Friday, because like Thursday and Friday I'll push it as hard as far. I'll be promoting everywhere, I'll be like join, join, join, before we start. Obviously so you don't miss out. You don't want to wait till then, you may as well join now, and you get to be in on the energy at that group. We should seriously just level as fuck already, and get to enjoy the pre work of being prepared.
And, what Break The Internet's all about is, it is about unleashing your core, unadulterated, unapologetic soul and truth. But, here's where today's energy mood comes in right. Because, I honestly nearly didn't go live. I could've gone live on the way to the airport, from the car. I keep looking for my water. They ruined my groove, they took my water off me. So, ridiculous. I'm a business class passenger and I'm without water. I'll survive.
So, yeah my energy and my mood today, it's been really weird. Yesterday I was in this kind of crazy like hysterical other worldly dimension shift thing that was going on. If you didn't watch my livestream from yesterday, it was seriously one of the most bizarre things that I've ever published on the internet, and it was just like a crazy explosion. I was completely in another dimension, another place. I watched the whole replay myself. I was pretty funny. I thought it was quite funny. But, I also dropped some amazing gold. I just cannot recommend highly enough, like how deeply you need to watch that livestream. In fact Mim, if you're still here grab the URL from that live yesterday and drop into a comment here a well, so people can find it easily. Otherwise, you can find it on this page, or on my personal trainer page, cause that's where I actually did it from.
So, then today ... Actually today started fine, and then early on in the day I started to feel that anxiety rising up, and that kind of like disconnectedness. And, there are a couple of things that maybe could have brought that one, or called me ... Yeah, my little stickers. Wasn't that [inaudible 00:09:26]. There were a couple of things that kind of maybe contributed to that, but then nothing like where it was really valid, or worthy of going into my anxiety mode. And, I did my journaling, and I did my blogging, and I did all the things that I usually do, and then went over to the gym, and by the time I got to the gym I was seriously like having a full on anxiety day, where it's kind of hard to breathe, and you don't really want to communicate with people, and you have to kind of talk carefully and more carefully. And, I don't know if it was because I was coming down from the high and the trip of yesterday. From all the places I travelled to yesterday. Or, it was like whatever random shit that was going on in my head. Or, it's just nothing at all.
So, then you try and shift it. And, I know how to shift it, and we always know how to shift it. But, at the same time you kind of like, "It's not fucking shifting." And, it's just kind of like melting a little bit, a little bit. And, when I feel that way I do, do whatever I feel I need to do in order to shift, or in order to let it go. But at the same time, I understand that it is what it is, and there's two parts.
So, one of the practises or processes that I'll go into when I feel something like that, something that I don't really ideally enjoy feeling, or what I'll be feeling is kind of just getting back to groundedness, getting back to face. So it's kind of like ... Actually I'll give you a good example, frequently when clients come to me and they're freaking the fuck out about money, like they've got serious money shit going on, and there's kind of like a fear and panic reaction going on. I always bring it back to two things for them. I say, "Okay, number one. Can you get through today? Like, are you able to get through today, and is there action that you can take today. Can you do today's work of being you." And the answer is like of course, of course I can survive today, of course I can get through today. Not just get through it, but also take the action that you need to be taking.
And, then number two. Do you have faith. Like, go big picture. Do you have faith? There's the big picture that I'm not going any [inaudible 00:11:17]. I'm here to stay, I am gonna run this thing, I'm gonna create everything that's inside of me, and I'm gonna bring my vision to life. And, 100% I've had client's, friends, me, my family ... I don't know, I don't really as them that stuff. But, the people that are in my circle, are definitely gonna say yes. Ultimately yeah, I can get through today for sure. Right. There's a child looking at me. And, I do have faith in the big picture. This kid's coming up to see what I'm doing, cause they think I'm talking to a handbag right now.
So, those are the two things that you'll want to look at right. And, that's easy for me to rule off, and it's easy for me to say or share with clients when it comes to the money side of things. Because, I'm not in that space anymore, but I'm teaching from a place of when I was in that space right, and when I did go through that, when that was my reality and that was just how it is. And, so I remember, and I was caught up in that before I broke through my business.
I'm not kidding there's like 3 children like just ... They're all right here, kind of like. And then their parents came up and got them. And then the parents are also kind of half looking at me, like, "What the fuck is going on?" I swear to God, I've gotta give myself credit for being able to tune this stuff out and just keep going, like give me a love heart [inaudible 00:12:29] for support please. Because, not only am I having an anxiety day, but I'm dealing with the fact that this waiting room is full of people looking at me like I'm crazy, cause I'm talking to the back of a bag. And, I'm still paranoid because I believe in this message, and I want to bring it to you right. So, I need the love hearts even extra today, and the flying Katrinas thank you.
Okay, so it is kind of easy for me to rule that off right. Because, I'm not in that place of anxiety to do with life anymore. It's long past, but I was there, and I was there for quite a while. Thank you for the love, I so appreciate it. I was there, and I was there for quite a while. Okay, I just realised something terrible. I realised my lighting went out, and I could look even more bright in light than I do right now. One second. How did I not notice that, that went out? Look how much better it is. Alright, let me put this back in here. One second, just jam it back in. That's so much better, I'm so excited, I'm such a lighting addict. Alright, now my comments have disappeared though. There they are. Yeah, maybe somebody needs to hear what I'm saying, exactly Nicole. Thank you. I feel way better with this lighting, that's improved my mood by 14%.
So, I remember the feeling, and I know that that's what gets you through. So, then when I go into random ... I don't know how to do the sparkler filter anymore, I swear to God, these filters are just all messed up. Should I try it? When I go into this mood now. Let's try it. When I go into ... Nah, it doesn't want to let me do a filter. You know what, I think it's because when you're in the Creator app, the Facebook Creator app which allows me to have the show banner down the bottom, as opposed to when I do it through the page's app, then you can do more fancy things. That's what I think. Okay, no the fricken light has gone off again.
Okay, so what I was trying to say is. When I'm in this anxiety place relevant to whatever shit that's not about money, but whatever it was just about. Just that feeling that I come back to that same stuff right. Yeah, I don't know why. They need to fix that in the Creator app though Leah. It's annoying. So, I come back to the same stuff. Let's get that red chair out, I don't like that red chair. And, it's essentially, "Can I get through today?" Like, can I not just like survive the day and not die, that's not what I mean. But, more like can I do what I need to do today? Can I still do my inner work? Can I still message from this place? Right? Hello, that's what I'm doing right now.
So, a lot of us including myself have been guilty of feeling like, if I'm feeling that way, if I'm feeling stuck, or if I'm feeling disconnected, or if I'm having an anxiety attack, or whatever it is that you may be experiencing. It might not be anxiety, I know a lot of people who do though. But, then we think I can't show up today, because I'm not in my zone, and I'm not in my vibe. And that's the story that I was telling myself relevant to live streaming. I still did my blog, and then after that I did you know, my personal stuff, I answered my messages, I packed my shit up and got myself to the airport. Spoke to a client on the phone, that sort of thing. But, when I thought about going live, I was like, "I just have ... Like I've got to much of this going on in here, and I didn't ... I felt worried that I wouldn't bring a powerful message, or it would make me feel upset or something like that." Like I was really buying into the anxiety being in charge of me, rather than me being like, "Hey, you know what? This is just something that is part of my experience today and I can still show up, and it is what it is. And it's okay."
And, I shared over an audio message with one of my best friends a little bit about what I was feeling. And, actually I was not happy with her answer that I got back. It made me super shitty I triggered. I was like, "Fuck off, that's not why I was sharing my words. I was sharing for a solution." Just being transparent as fuck right now. I wasn't sharing looking for an answer to why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, like I shared what I was feeling, and I said why I feel I'm feeling that way. But, then I was like, "Yeah an but I also know this." Like coming back to faith, and coming back to groundedness, it brought me back to [inaudible 00:16:18], so I ...
So, it's kind of like coaching myself, sharing everything on the audio which is what we all do with friends. And then she kind of came back with, "Oh well, the reason is blah blah blah. And what you need to do is blah blah blah." And I was like, "Um, I'm already fully aware of that, actually all I wanted was empathy." But, then I was like, "Okay, so if I'm not gonna get empathy from somebody else if I feel like they're nice, and they're just tryna like school me on something that I'm already fully aware of, then where am I doing that to someone else. Right. So, everything's always [inaudible 00:16:46], so I was shitty, but then I was also like, "Clearly this is coming from inside me." But, it still didn't shift it, so it was still ...
And, so after that, that's where this title for this livestream came from. Because, after that I was kind of sitting in the car on the way here to the airport and I thought, "At the end of the day, it's okay to feel what I'm feeling, but I don't have to shift that in order to be a good person, or be an indulged conscious person. I also don't have to be the crazy ass motherfucker that I was yesterday travelling to other places. Actually still in a state of super flow, even while feeling all this stuff. But, it's just the different angle, or a different side of the same point.
Okay, are you guys not commenting anymore. Is that what's happening? Somebody leave a comment so I know this is working. Either you're just enraptured by what I'm saying, or the comments have stopped working. Let me check on my laptop. Okay, so that's where the title came from. That's what I was trying to say. It's okay to feel what you're feeling, but more than that. I think that we get to lean into what we're feeling, and by that I mean just ... Okay you're listening, thanks Sherry.
We get to lean into what we're feeling. Enraptured. You're so funny. Perfect, good. See, I'm getting into my little self conscious mode, because there's so many people looking at me right now. And, also because I'm feeling like a self conscious day anyway. My growth is like phenomenal today, I'm just growing stronger on the inside moment by moment right now. I'm gonna get on the plane. I'm gonna have some fricken wine. No not the rapture. It's a different rapture from yesterday. Yesterday I blogged about being in the rapture, which is when you're in the deep collective unconscious, you're in the super flow. I do need the heart shower. I think I just need a lot of hearts. If you were here I would need a cuddle and a kiss, and a marshmallow. Not to speak like a marshmallow. Some people know what that means.
Yeah, yesterday I was in like the full power super flow. You guys saw that on the livestream. I was kind of out of control, and crazy. Thank you for the love. Today is actually still ... It's like a follow on from it, and it's still a deep connectedness. It's just that sometimes you have those shitty feelings that you don't want to feel, and what I'm trying to say is, that's not bad or wrong right. What if we literally just went that's how I'm feeling today. It is what it is. Can I analyse it? Sure, but doesn't matter. Haven't agreed to my marshmallow demands. Can you repeat them here, cause did I miss them, or did I just comment back with a smart ass reply. I don't know what you mean.
You know, so we can analyse we can come up with, "Oh I think it's cause of this, or it's cause of this." We can do state shifting stuff, like okay it felt a bit better after doing my workout, it felt better after getting my tunes on. I felt a lot better after I ate actually. Beautiful salad with chicken and beef and mango in it. It was amazing. Exhausted from workload. I don't have any workload at all. I feel like I do no work at all. I don't think. I just laugh emoji, but what was the request. I don't think I'm exhausted at all from workload, I definitely don't have much of a workload. I feel like I do no work, but then I clearly work all day, but then I play all day. It's all just a [inaudible 00:19:49] mish mash.
And, hang on. Now I'm accidentally watching my livestream. That's a mistake. Alright I'm trying to read these comments, and they're half coming up on the phone, and half on the laptop. So, what was the point I just half finished. It's fricken okay to feel what you're feeling right. You're allowed to feel it, because what I was trying to do earlier today was probably push it away. Like, I was sort of trying to state shift. The reason I try anyway, you either shift your state or you don't. But, it was more in a mindset of, I don't want to feel like this. This is annoying me. I want to push it away, I want to get rid of it. So, that's like a resistance, and as I was driving here. I hate driving here honestly. I suddenly went to myself, "Well, what if I just let that feeling fully wash over me?" It's okay to want to be a human burrito in my mind. That's exactly right [inaudible 00:20:48] You wouldn't want to do a burrito bed here in Bali, you'd probably lose 14 litres of sweat. And, I'm definitely getting wine as soon as I get on the plane.
Or as soon as [inaudible 00:20:57] anyway. But, I mean even from talking about it now right. It's actually shifting even though I surrounded the idea that I needed to shift it. Maria says, "Let's all drink wine." Right. So then I surrendered the idea. I was like, "Okay, this reminds me of whenever I'm getting my tattoo worked on ... I speak about that a lot. How if you try to not feel the pain of it, if you try and avoid the pain of it, then it hurts more. And you give it power over you. Whereas if you lean into the pain, and go okay, "Let me just allow myself to feel all of this pain, let me allow it to kind of wash over me and threw me." Then, all of a sudden you go, "Aw, it's not that it doesn't necessarily have any pain attached to it, but it's probably less painful than what it was before." And you take the power out of it, because you're not trying to hide from it and run from it. And so that's what I realised I got to do, an hour or two from when I was on the way here.
Oh they're boarding. I think they're boarding. It's alright I've got priority boarding, I just like zoom straight in when I'm ready. So, I just let myself surrender to it. I actually gave into the anxiety on the way to the airport. I was like, "Okay, it is what it is, but don't feel that I have a very good valid reason why I should be feeling like this. But I do feel like this, so okay maybe that's my experience today?" I'm still fine, I'm still in full love and acceptance, I'm actually still connected and charged with super flow, I've still created amazing content today. I know I'll have an epic time on the plane, I always do. I typically go into super, super flow when I'm in the air. [inaudible 00:22:26] And, yeah. That was it really and I was like "Okay, it's cool." Because, it would be all passed tomorrow and probably be the best fucking [inaudible 00:22:34] ever tomorrow, but there's no rule ...
Half of all these people are such sheeps, they all just get up and do what they're told. 100% of the people just got up. Please not be my derro time. No there's actually one guy who's sitting over there, he didn't get up. He's like, "[inaudible 00:22:51] I'll do exactly what I want, I want to sit down until the last minute."
So, yeah I think that a lot of times we think we shouldn't have any emotions that we have maybe labelled as negative right? And, what if there was no negative emotions because there's not. There's just not. They all are here for a reason and they're all here to service right. So what if all emotions were there to teach us something, or guide us something, or to bring us back closer to our soul. And I realised that when I actually surrendered to feeling anxious and surrendered to feeling like I couldn't quite breathe properly, and I was in a slight state of panic and I just wanted to be like, "I want to be like super fricken happy and excited again." When I surrendered to it I allowed it to teach me something. And, I don't really know what that was yet. I don't know. Maybe I'll never know. It doesn't matter. But, it actually allowed me to connect back to my soul because I was being with what is. I was allowing myself to be what I am, and recognising or realising that there's nothing I need even at emotional state in order to be enough, or be good enough right.
I'm completely loved and accepted. I'm completely [inaudible 00:23:56]. I'm completely still able to move through the day, show up, do whatever I feel called to do. Be present and in attendance in any circumstance or [inaudible 00:24:05]. Or, alternatively watch a movie and drink a wine on the plane. Whatever it is I feel called to do. But, then now ... And so now, I obviously got on and did the livestream and I was in the airport already for an hour before doing this live, and I did go to lounge for a little bit and I was nearly gonna live there but the wifi wouldn't really work. And, I was kind of, "Oh, I think I should just leave the livestream for today, let's just get on this plane and you know tomorrow's a new day." And then I was like, "You know what? I'm gonna just do the thing right. I'm just gonna talk about it's okay to feel what you're feeling."
And now, like literally right now in this moment, I'm noticing I shifted because I surrounded [inaudible 00:24:41]. Like, I feel happy. I feel upbeat. I feel a slight little [inaudible 00:24:45] in there of that anxiety. But, I feel like it's totally 100% fine and I mean it. If it comes back, or if it doesn't and I go into like la la marshmallow land. Do you know what I mean? Whereas before, I felt like it was scary, or bad, or wrong. Somebody's coming to get me, what's happening?
Final call already.
Final call already? Okay how did that happen in one minute? They must have an empty plane. I don't know how that happened.
Okay, so. The pre work has dropped. I want to read about it to you. How the fuck did they get to final call already? The pre work has dropped for Breaktheinternet.com. It must be an empty plane. And, you've gotta read about it in the pinned comment. It's my 10 day smack down intensive. It is about getting back to your soul, and getting angry. There's a bunch of comments here in the pinned comment about what people said about the pre work. This is ... Like I could read it all out, but I don't think I'm prepared to do that to miss the plane. So, it's for the crazy certified crazy badass, who has not been showing up fully as themselves.
Okay, there's the rest of my head while I pack up. Who has not been doing the damn work, and who is ready to do the damn work? Let's do this thing. Okay, shit. I'm literally the last person. How the fuck is it, that I always miss planes ... I never miss planes. I always nearly miss the plane, when I'm like the first one at the airport? Because I'm live streaming.
Alright I'm gonna totally go, because there's nobody else here. Don't forget, live is now press fucking play.